“My Anxiety Over Anxiety Attacks” (A FB Guest Blog From Patrisia)

Hey my Solas! Well, I’m back…but now as a guest blogger due to the fact that I completely stopped writing, until now. I’ve been seeing how recent stories here on SoLatina have been about depression, anxiety, etc. Just to let you guys know, ANXIETY is the reason I stopped blogging! At first I really thought I was dying. I was already in bed, ready to go to sleep and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I suddenly felt weak, hot and shaky. Like my soul was leaving my body. I was terrified! I couldn’t calm myself down. I couldn’t breath. I was crying. I felt like my head was going to explode. Even though I was next to my hubby, I didn’t wake him up because I thought to myself he’s probably going think I’m going crazy. So what did I do? I went next door to wake up my precious mom.

It was already 1:00 a.m. and she saw me crying. After I explained to her what I was feeling, she made me a tea and talked to me about anxiety and what she had gone through years back. After calming down, we prayed and finally at 2:30 a.m. I was able to go back to bed.

Al otro dia I was like GOD, I hope that was the first and last time I get that. Two days later, though, I was on my way to pick up my oldest son from school when I felt an attack starting to build up. I tried ignoring it but I wasn’t able to. It hit me while driving and was worse than the first time. My fuerzas were gone, or so I felt, but I was still holding on to the steering wheel. I started screaming, crying and shaking. I was thinking to myself, OMG, I’M GOING TO CRASH AND DIE. WHAT IF I KILL SOMEBODY WHEN I CRASH? Then I went from OMG, I’M GOING TO CRASH to, IF I CRASH WHO’S GOING TO PICK UP MY SON? So what did I do? I got my phone and called 911. When they asked me what was wrong, I was all nervous, llorando, and I tried my best to explain myself to them. The 911 dispatcher told me I needed to pull over but by the time she said it, I was already waiting for the light to get to my son’s school. I told her exactly where I was at and she said, “Help is on the way. Don’t move.”

I finally parked, got out my truck and went into my son’s school. I told him, “YOU NEED TO HURRY UP!” I went back into my truck. I was shaking uncontrollably when I saw my son come out with his teacher. He saw the paramedics pulling in and asked me, “Mom, what happened?” When I saw the ambulance I looked back at my son (while crying) and yelled at him, “Tell them it’s me!” I saw the scared look on my son’s face when he said to them, “It’s over here. It’s my mom.” The paramedics checked my blood pressure and vital signs and told me that I was fine, that I was having an anxiety attack. But the attack was so long, right? Well, it only lasted 5 minutes but to me it seemed like it was going on forever.

I wasn’t able to drive back because I was out of it. So the paramedics called a friend of mine and she picked my son and me up. I got home and went straight to the doctor. She immediately prescribed me Ativan. It’s been three weeks since the major attack and I have gotten about six other anxiety attacks since then. I’m scared to drive. I’m falling into a depression and I don’t know what to do? Should I got get evaluated by a mental health professional? I’m a believer in God as my healer but this is something I can’t control at the moment. Yes, I have faith and I will continue praying but I need help. Vacations are right around the corner and my three kids will be here all day. Before I finish, I have not shared any of this with my husband. All I tell him is that I’m feeling sick. What advice can you guys give me? PLEASEEEEEE HELLLPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!