"Disrespected…Yet My Boyfriend Didn't Think So"

My boyfriend of 10 months and I just broke up. I keep asking myself if it’s my fault and if I should have handled things differently. I’m very open and sexual, but only with the man I’m involved with. I’m a lady in public and expect to be treated that way by others.

My ex is quite a bit older than me. Our backgrounds are very different but we seemed to match up just fine. For instance, I never get drunk or go to bars, but he’ll hang out and drink with his friends. Occasionally he gets pretty hammered. It doesn’t bother me, though. I’m comfortable with people being themselves.

So, here’s what happened. He was at a bar and called me to say “hi”. He then passed his cell to one of his drinking buddies. I could tell they were all pretty far gone (I’ve never met any of these guys). So, this guy gets on the phone and right away asks me my bra size and what my breasts look like. I was completely shocked and wasn’t sure what to say. But I did manage to be polite and tell him that I don’t discuss those kinds of things, and please give the phone back to my boyfriend. He kept on asking me, though. I heard my boyfriend in the background, saying, “Man, don’t ask her that” (but with a laughing, joking voice). I wanted to hang up but didn’t want to cause problems between him and his friend. Plus, I was still expecting him to deal with it. He didn’t, though. The guy asked again, even more forcefully. So I hung up on the a-hole. My boyfriend called back and said he was sorry that his friend was being so silly. He said, “Hey, men are just like that. It’s no big deal.” Well, in my circles, that is a big deal! Men don’t talk to ladies like that, ever.

I waited until the next morning, to let him sober up. Then I called him and told him I was upset that he was completely comfortable with his “friend” talking to me like that. He told me again that it wasn’t a big deal, that most women would just laugh and play along. I said that I don’t know what kind of women he hangs out with, but the ones I know don’t joke like that. I said I wasn’t mad at him for what his friend did. I was mad at him because he didn’t think there was anything wrong with it at all. I then asked him how he’d feel if someone talked to his mother that way. He immediately told me that she would think it was funny, and that she would encourage it. Wow.

We obviously hit a roadblock in our relationship. He can’t understand why I’m upset, and I can’t understand why he wasn’t. So, after just pausing on the phone, without talking, he said he should go. He said, “I love you. Bye”. And, we haven’t talked since. I did text him today and asked if he wanted to talk things over, but he didn’t respond. So I’m not going to try again.

I keep questioning how such a loving, sweet, and seemingly good relationship can be torn apart so quickly. We never had any problems before at all. He treats me very nice and we enjoy each others company. Did I overreact? Should I have just let it go? Should I want a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect me in the manner I expect? I know I could mend this if I tried. But, should I even bother?

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