At times, being a single mother leaves me vulnerable to people’s advice, comments, and judgments. Most of the time, it is unwanted. Nearly two years ago I made the decision to bring another child into this world. This time I chose to do it all alone. During my last pregnancy, I left a bad relationship. This time, there was no relationship.
Little did I know that this time around would be so different and so rewarding at the same time! This time around, this amazing man has fought tooth and nail to be not only a father, but also a daddy. Not a day goes by that I do not appreciate him or thank God for him. Every day I am surprised to see the growth of an already great father. He continues to be even more amazing to his little girl. When people make negative comments or act as if he doesn’t exist, it gets tiring. The constant comments from the same individuals regarding my happiness have overstepped the annoying mark. Lately, the questions wanting proof of his existence have put me over the edge.
I may be loud, very outspoken and open with a lot of things, but I have ALWAYS kept my personal life private. I share EVERYTHING with a chosen few and give tiny tidbits to others. I have never been one to have my parents’ home as a stop on my “who am I dating parade”. I am even very choosy about which friends to bring over, because of my desire for privacy.
To be questioned now on what I do, have not done, and will do is rather amusing. Perhaps my mistake was advising people of my pregnancy the second time around. Or maybe my mistake was letting them in. Perhaps it’s just that people have so much inadequacy in their own lives that they find solace in attempting to find “errors” or “oddness” in other’s lives. My life isn’t on trial. Therefore, I do not need to give anyone day-to-day briefs of what’s going on with me. I definitely do not need to keep a picture proof journal for anyone’s viewing.
I am not storybook, and I never claim to be so. I’m single with no commitment, two AMAZING daughters, one HUGE mortgage and two GREAT jobs (one with monetary value, the other with endless value). Most of all, I am HAPPY. Why? Because I can walk down the street, gleaming from ear to ear, and not have to think of story to explain to my neighbor why I have a black eye, or why my husband’s car hasn’t been in the driveway. I am happy because I do not need to live in a façade of “happiness”, “perfect family”, “perfect marriage”, “perfect husband”, or “perfect kids”. I do not have to wake up every morning, look at myself in the mirror, and lie to myself about looking like a super model. I don’t have to wake up every morning conjuring up excuses about my life.
I wake up every morning and LIVE and let live. I cannot express this enough. I hope that by writing this, someone’s eyes will open up and see that maybe, just maybe, they should think before they speak. Or perhaps just SHUT UP!