I remember when I was growing up, all I wanted was to have a family of my own. Get, married, have kids, take care of my home, you know, that sort of thing. I was fortunate enough to have parents who loved and respected each other and always took each other into consideration. I loved how affectionate and silly they were towards one another and didn’t hide it from us. What I didn’t see were all the years of hard work it took for my parents to get there and how they continued to work at it. I always loved children, especially babies, and I was great with them! So naturally my goals were family oriented. I didn’t like the idea of ‘wasting’ my time dating and going from one guy to another. My mentality was “if in the end what everyone wants is to settle down with someone they love, then the sooner you find that someone the better”.
Well at 18 I fell in love and fell hard. He was a year younger than I was and many things in our rocky relationship told me it was not going to end well. But then I got pregnant and, like I said, I fell hard! So naturally when he insisted we marry, I accepted. There are, of course, many more details in the story but I won’t get into them now.
Sure enough, 3 years later I found myself to be a divorced single mother of a 2-year-old little girl. I discovered so much about myself during that time and developed many new interests. I took my daughter everywhere I went. I made friends with many new and interesting people plus I discovered how great some current acquaintances were once I started spending time with them. I immediately saw how much I had missed out on like being able to travel to new places and meet new people, maybe even study abroad and have friends all over the world. There was a whole world I was unaware of outside of my own town!
It’s been over 4 years since my divorce and my daughter is now 7-years-old. In that time I’ve had two boyfriends (if you can call them that) and neither one lasted long. One lasted 2 weeks and the other 2 months! It’s been hard to feel that “can’t live without them“ type of love for someone again. There was once that special someone that brought all those lovey dovey feelings back to me but even with strong mutual feelings he unfortunately realized he was not ready for a relationship with a single mother. In the mean time, I’ve settled for ‘casual relationships’. I’m afraid to trust someone and get hurt again. I can’t seem to stay interested in one person for too long. My dating history hasn’t been the greatest. To tell you the truth, the typical dating scene makes me nervous and I don’t like it!
It feels as though the one thing I wanted the most is now so far out of reach. Now my mentality on love is very different. I’m not so sure I will marry again. I want to do as much as I can on my own before settling down. This time I also feel like I would rather date someone for a very long time and live together first before I remarry, and that’s even if I decide to remarry. I see so many broken relationships that it terrifies me to end up in one of them again and have my daughter caught in the middle. I enjoy the freedom that I have, especially now that my daughter is older and we do so much together and are enjoying life (for the most part)!