My life has been an obstacle of roller coasters since I was five-years-old. I say that because it was the age that I started getting molested by a man who, at that time, I knew as daddy. It went on for many years until I was 13-years-old. He was very abusive towards my mom and brothers. I feared more for them than for me during those years, although I knew he was not my biological father. Every morning I woke up to fights and hateful words. I just couldn’t handle it anymore.
I was in 6th grade when I started realizing what he had been doing was wrong. I went to my science teacher and told him what was going on in my house behind closed doors. You see, in everyone else’s eyes he was a good man who helped and loved everyone. He always said that his family was his world. Ha! What a joke that was. When DCF went and arrested him and told my mother what was going on she looked me in the face and told me what a bitch I was. From that day forward my life was a living hell with my mother. She turned my brothers against me and because of that I had to pretty much raise myself. My mother told everyone how I was such a slut and slept around. The funny thing was that I was still a virgin. At 14 I lost my virginity. It wasn’t due to love, because I didn’t love at that time, but because I thought that my mother hated me so much.
At 18-years-old I met a guy who was at the time great. Within 4 months we were living together. At the time I didn’t love him. Actually, I never fell in love with him. But because I found a window finally open for me, I went for it. We were still in high school when I found out I was pregnant with my son. During the months of my pregnancy I went through hell with his family. Two months before giving birth I discovered the pain of death because I lost my grandfather. He wasn’t just my biejito, he was my mentor. He taught me so much about life and about men and all the games they like to play. He taught me very well. He was my world. The only person who I respected and loved dearly.
Giving birth to my son was hard and even though I didn’t have a penny to my name, I was happy about being a mother and looking forward to my life with my son. Things between me and his father went sour after that. I told him the truth about my feelings for him, which I guess is why he hated me so much since I was his first love. He became very abusive emotionally. The first time he laid a hand on me I knew it was over. So I packed my stuff, left him and moved in with his family since my family and I were not talking. He moved in with his fiancé at the time. I had lost everything: work, place, money and my personal belongings. I was also battling cancer. Yet with a strong pride, I kept my head up through it all and proceeded to make a better life for me and my son. It’s been 8 years since I left my ex and he refuses to see my son because he is a mirror image of me. My son is practically me but in a boy’s body and with a heart of gold. He once told his father, when he was 6, “I don’t hate you but I don’t love you. So don’t expect much from me cause I expect nothing from you.” So with that he knew he lost his first son.
It’s now been now 8 years since he has seen him. My mother has since asked me for forgiveness because when she had her first surgery she saw that I was there to take care of her. She said I was the rock of the family. My brothers have since confronted their father for what he did to me and we have gotten closer. They are more protective of me than ever before and my son even more. That’s their machi and they are enjoying seeing him grow up to be a beautiful young man.
I finally met my actual father. The same way he came into my life was the same way he left. I found out he was a rapist and told him I will not relive my childhood again. So I asked him to leave and never look for me.
As for my personal life, I finally met a great man who, just like me, has both good and bad flaws. We have the same morals in life. I met him 6 years ago and have been happy since then. I’m 32 now and live happy and okay. I say “okay” because I’m not loaded with money, have my own house or have a wardrobe worth 10 grand. But I have happiness, love, my son, my family and, most importantly, I have me. I’m still working on me but hey…not everyone is perfect. TY LORD..xoxo